Where I want to be and who I want to be

This post was “written” almost a year ago. I was experimenting with using dictation tools to write a post on my morning walk, and the end result was pretty scattered and required a lot of editing. I got about half way done, had to move on to other things, and promptly forgot about it. This morning I stumbled across that draft in progress and decided to finish it up. Honestly, it was rough. I had to remember what was on my mind a year ago, and I went off on some completely unrelated side rant that was about a thousand words long and needed to be edited out. I think the end result here is worth posting, though, so here it is.

The company I work for recently went through a major reorganization. A new department was created for our business unit and our team was moved into a new vertical under a different executive. A VP position was created to head up the new department, and another senior leader was given that position to help align all of our Agile/Lean/Project/Strategic activities.

It’s a lot of change. I was, admittedly, quite shaken when it happened. I’ve had my cheese moved more than once at my current job, but this one felt overwhelming at first. I don’t feel that way any more, and in fact I’m really excited about all the changes, but that initial jolt was pretty big.

One of the reasons it was such a shock to my system is because I was moved into what we are calling the “process” vertical in our organization. As someone who believes in and supports Agile, being in a group that seems to be on the “processes and tools” side of the “Individuals and Interactions” equation wasn’t a look I was happy with. I’m still not entirely keen on the optics around it, if I’m being honest, but I do believe that in our current structure we landed in the right place.

In any case, I was meeting with my new boss on Monday (the above mentioned Vice President of our newly formed department), and we were having one of many “getting to know you” style conversations we’ve had since the change. While we’ve worked together for many years at this point and have a perfectly amiable working relationship, we don’t really know each other all that well so we’re spending some time working on that. In our conversation on Monday, he asked me where I wanted to be in five to ten years.

Now I need to go ahead and state for the record that he knows about my cancer and said right up front that he realized his prepared topic for the day probably wasn’t something that was top of mind for me at the moment. I concurred and stated that “alive” was really my top-of-mind goal, but since I intended to achieve that one it was totally cool to talk about what else I’d like to be doing and we did so. In the time that has passed I’ve thought about it some more, and that was the path I took to starting this post.

When I reflect on my early days in software development, I see a perfect example of how my mind works. My first job was with a company that sold ColdFusion based auction software. The original person who wrote the code did so in a way that was most efficient at the time he wrote it. The internet was slow, and any extra white space in the background of a page could cause longer load times, so he removed any characters that were “extraneous” from his code.

The result, while readable to a visitor of the site, was a solid mass of text that was nearly impossible to decipher on the back end.

As my responsibilities there grew I eventually got access to that code base and was charged with helping to fix/improve the software. Every time I had to access a page, I would poke around in it and make it better. I would add comments where none existed. I would explicitly name variables from x or y. I would tab-delimit nested code. I would update deprecated functions or replace code blocks that were inefficient. What I was doing was removing technical debt, but I had no concept of what that was at the time. I just wanted to understand how the code worked, and I wanted to help make it better.

Which is a perfect example of how I look at the world. I want to understand how it works, and I want to make it better. So when I think about where I want to be in five or ten years, my answer is really just as simple as that – I want to have made the world a little bit better. To do so I need to keep learning. To do so I need to look for ways I can improve the code of the world around me, whether that is in my personal life or professional one. I want to take my experience, my influence, and my knowledge and apply it in little ways to make incremental improvements for as many people as I can.

But, ultimately? I still want to be here.

I’m Tired (Or, Blog Post Necromancy)

Michael C. McGreevy pictured at the New World Brewery

Photo by David M. Jenkins

I decided to peruse through my Drafts folder this morning and I stumbled across a post I began writing over a year ago and never finished. I don’t know if I’d say it was my best work, but I don’t think it sucks so I’ve cleaned it up a bit, tacked on an ending, and am setting it free to roam the wild internets as an independent post free from the safe confines of the Draft folder. I hope you enjoy.

One of my Uncles sent me an email with a link to this article (note – I’ve updated the link to point to a blog post that has the full text of the article. The original piece, along with the blog associated with it, appears to have been pulled down by the owner) earlier today. It was written by a sixty-three year old retired Marine and former state senator from Massachusetts.

When I get these kind of things I tend to ignore them. I know I’m not going to convince the more Conservative members of my family to see my point of view, so I generally don’t even bother trying. That said, it’s hard for me not to read something like this and not have the desire to respond, so I figured the best place for me to do so was here.

With all of that out of the way, this is likely to be a rather political post. If you’re not in the mood to read that kind of thing I suggest you ignore the cut tag below.

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A summary of my strengths

As supplied by the folks over at Gallup…

Instinctively, you understand the utility that technology can bring to an organization and are always looking for the best equipment and the best ways to use that equipment.  In addition to your technical expertise, you possess social and emotional talents that are often rare in the information technology field.  Socially initiating and verstaile, your primary social instinct is to intentionally expand the breadth of your social network as you are comfortable and effective in meeting new people.  Possessing high levels of emotional intelligence, your empathy gives you a strong awareness of human emotions that helps you to understand the emotional implications of decisions and actions.  Your positivity contributes to your emotional intelligence as it enables you to be emotionally influential.  You have a  natural capacity for helping others to feel better.  While some might ignore or minimize the value of human emotion, your possess a holistic view of humans and a view of the world that places a high value on all human beings.

I’d be interested to hear how accurate you all feel that is.

Captain Kangaroo was a bloody genius

I grew up watching Bob Keeshan play Captain Kangaroo. I don’t remember the show vividly to be completely honest. I believe I had moved on to bigger and better things by the time I started forming real memories. My memories of the show are more impressions than anything else. I found a quote from Keeshan this morning, though, that indicates he may have at least somewhat influenced the person who I became as an adult.

The responsibility of parents is to raise children who do not need parents.

When my son is an adult I want him to not need me anymore.  I want him to call me or shoot me an email every once in a while to let me know what is going on in his life, hell maybe even every day if he feels like it, but I want him to lead his life on his own.  I want him to face the challenges life throws at him on his own two feet, and when life knocks him on his ass I want him to get back up again on his own.  If he can’t I want him to know he can always call on me to help but I want that to be the aboslute last thing he would do – not the first.  Not because I will make him feel like shit about it, but becuase he doesn’t WANT to get help from anyone else to solve his problems.

I have, in the last few weeks, seen two very different examples of how bad it is for adults to rely on their parents to get them through life and I can’t have that for Alex.

Get Off The Toilet

So let’s get all the funny stuff out of the way right up front here.

There was an article on CNN this morning about a woman who spent two years on the toilet.  She was there so long that her legs atrophied and her skin grew around the toilet seat.  The seat had to be pried off with her stuck to it and removed at the hospital.

These people lived in a trailer, and her boyfriend let this behavior go on for two years before finally calling someone in to help. 

Commence the laughing at white trash now.  I’ll wait.

Listens to “Dueling Banjos” during the pause.

Ok, back now?  Cool.

This article disturbs me.  Deeply.  Not just from the gross factor, which is pretty intense.  I cannot even begin to imagine the smell in that bathroom, not to mention the sheer foulness of a human being allowing their flesh to grow around a toilet seat.  Or, for that matter, someone who supposedly loved them letting them go so long without moving that it happened.  I’m sorry, but you’d think after a day or so you’d maybe think something was wrong.  I kind of have this thing about being in the bathroom while someone else is on the toilet to begin with, but the minute my other half asked me to start bringing her meals in the bathroom would be the minute I started placing phone calls.

Beyond the revulsion I have at this particular case, though, I wonder how much of a comment this case is on our society in general.  How many of us are just sitting on the figurative toilet, saying to ourselves that “maybe tomorrow” is the day we’re going to come out.  How many of us are letting our flesh grow into the toilet seat while we do nothing but contemplate how scary the world is outside? 

Fear of change.  Fear of failure.  Laziness.  Apathy.  These are the things that trapped that woman in her bathroom.  These are the same things we trap ourselves with.  Unfortunately, like the boyfriend in the case above, those around us are other blind to what’s going on or unwilling to put forth the effort to coax us into activity.  So we sit, and we fester, and the longer we do the more we atrophy.  Eventually, if we can be forced to move at all, it’s only through a great deal of pain and effort, and our momentum is forever stunted due to the damage that we caused ourselves in the process.

Don’t let yourself get stuck on the toilet, my friends.  Snicker and point at this woman all you want, but like it or not there are a lot of us that are just as unwilling to come out of the bathroom as she is.  We’re just not quite so literal about it.  Don’t let fear keep you from moving.  Don’t let inactivity rob you of the ability to move.  Don’t spend all of your time trapped in a room with the stink of your own waste for god’s sake. 

Shit and get off the pot.