Don’t Be A Jerk

I’ve been threatening for years to put together a presentation titled “Everything I needed to know about Leadership I learned while running a guild in World of Warcraft.” I still might someday, but I’m annoyed with myself for continually talking about it and not doing it, and one of the points I want to make is top of mind today so I’m just going to write it down in a post and consider it pre-work for my epic future Agile Alliance presentation.

I started playing World of Warcraft shortly after it was released in 2004. I had a small group of friends who had been playing City of Heroes together and we all decided to try it at the same time. When enough of us had gotten the game and decided to stick around to do so, we started a small guild (a guild, for those of you are unfamiliar, is a means to communicate and share resources in the game with a specific group of people). Eventually we met another guild that was populated by people who we thought were neat, and we decided to merge the two guilds together.

For some reason I agreed to lead this new guild.

I won’t go into a lot of detail as to why a guild needs leadership, because it’s not really relevant to this post, but the very short version is that there is a lot of content in the game that requires large groups to complete, and part of running a guild is to help schedule teams to take on that content and establish agreements around how any rewards won from beating it would be distributed among the group. Guild leaders also establish the culture of the guild (ours was considered a “casual” guild, with mostly older players who had responsibilities that prevented them from devoting excessive amount of time to the game) and will also set up rules around acceptable behavior by guild members.

When we formed our guild, we had one rule: Don’t be a Jerk.*

For a while, that worked just fine. Everyone understood what being a jerk meant, and we were all pretty good about not being one.

But then the guild grew. We kept adding people who we didn’t know as well as the original members. As our numbers expanded, the line on what everyone accepted as “jerkish” behavior began to get fuzzy. Common sense, it turns out, is not so common. Especially when you’re dealing with a diverse group of individuals who are paying for the privilege of playing a game. People with different backgrounds, who come from different regions of the world, and have a variety of socioeconomic situations, genders, ages, and sexual orientations (not to mention skill levels). Heck, one of our prominent members was a retired grandmother who used to send me cookies every Christmas.

Mardi, if you’re still out there my address hasn’t changed.

Eventually something happened that I, and the folks who helped me run the guild, couldn’t ignore. I don’t remember what it was, specifically. All I remember is that our response to the thing that happened was to create a new rule, so now we had two of them. It wasn’t too long before another incident got our attention, so we created a third rule. Then a fourth. A fifth. You get the point.

When I finally stopped playing the game in early 2009, I believe our rule book was three pages long.

We would make broad announcements about how we have “noticed certain behaviors” and how those behaviors “violate the spirit of our core value of not being a Jerk.” If the person in question continued doing the “thing” we had created the rule for, we could point at the (newly expanded) rules list and accuse them of violating it, thereby justifying our decision to remove the person from the guild.

You know what we never did in any of these situations (before it was too late)?

Talk to the person in question.

Instead of having an open, honest discussion about whatever the infraction was that caused us concern we avoided confrontation entirely and hid behind bureaucracy.

Our reward? More headaches. The bureaucracy that was protecting us from being the “bad guys” continued to grow and become more complex, and eventually got to the point where we spent more time managing rules and people than, you know, playing the damn game.

Eventually it got to be too much for me and I quit playing. All the enjoyment had been sucked out of the game for me, and I walked away. I still have friends who I met playing WoW, and some of them are still playing and in the guild I helped create, but I canceled my account almost 14 years ago and haven’t looked back.

So what does any of this have to do with Leadership in the professional world?

The first, and most important, lesson I took from this was that creating rules to deal with people problems is a no-win scenario. I’m not saying you shouldn’t have rules, codes of conduct, etc…but if you’ve got someone on your team who isn’t working well with others in some capacity, creating some kind of rule, procedure, or process to deal with that person is not being a Leader. It’s managing (and managing poorly, at that).

The other big lesson I learned is that by creating a rule that applies to all members of a team when only one person is responsible for doing the “thing” that caused the rule to be made, you create a situation where the unintended consequence of your action is to cause people who have nothing at all to do with the situation to suddenly worry that THEY were the reason the rule was created. For example, say you have a person in your organization who has some kind of issue with body odor that is disturbing others and instead of having a conversation with that person you send out an all-users e-mail reminding the entire company that “we all have to work together in small spaces” and to “please be mindful of how our personal hygiene might impact those around us.” The person who inspired the e-mail might not think it is about them, or they might realize it is and get horribly embarrassed and/or resentful. Even worse, people who had nothing to do with the original announcement may start wondering if they are the reason the email was sent in the first place.

This lesson shows up in the Agile Manifesto, of course. “Customer Collaboration over contract negotiation” is one of the four values found in the manifesto. Talking with people and working out situations directly is much more effective than hiding behind contracts (and what is a list of rules in an organization but a contract that one agrees to abide by to continue working there?), and how can we argue with the fact that most effective means of communicating information being face-to-face communication?

If I knew then what I know now, I’d have spent a lot more time talking to people and a lot less time managing a list of complex rules. The short term discomfort of having a difficult conversation pales in comparison to the drudgery and annoyance of dealing with the red tape of a ridiculously long rule book.

*In the interest of full disclosure, the word wasn’t jerk. I think you get the drift, though.

Life without a computer

Daily writing prompt
Your life without a computer: what does it look like?

I actually think about this scenario often. I know a lot of people who talk about being prepared when/if the internet and computers are unavailable. People who still insist on buying physical media for their entertainment, for example (DVD’s, CD’s, etc…). What will you do, they argue, if the internet goes away and you can’t get to your favorite movies and music?

Listen, Chad. If the internet went away suddenly we’d have a lot more to worry about than whether we are going to be able to re-watch Buffy, The Vampire Slayer for the 20th time.

Fact is, my entire career and much of my utility as a member of society is dependent on computers and the internet. If it all went away, I’d be pretty much out of luck. My best hope for survival would be as entertainment for the people who actually knew how to survive without technology.

I’m also very resourceful, though, so if I could survive past the initial panic stage I’d adapt. I just have to convince the folks in the compound to let me in to begin with.

Which, now that I think about it, kind of makes me wonder if it wouldn’t be wise for me to have a physical copy of the Complete Works of William Shakespeare laying around. You know, just in case.

Three Jobs

Accidentally posted this writing prompt to an older, outdated blog that has now been deleted. The question was what are three jobs you would do if money were no object.

I think the obvious first choice would be Acting. I gave up on the notion of being a full-time, paying all my bills actor when I became a father and had to provide a home and health insurance to my family. I took the secure road, and I do not regret it. I have been blessed with the opportunity to act professionally for over two decades here locally and while it never had paid my bills I am proud of the work I have done.

I have always romanticized the notion of being a long-haul driver, so that would be my second choice. I suppose that job pays pretty well, so money wouldn’t be an option but I think I am too settled now to make the career switch. I would miss my wife too much, anyway.

I would actually consider getting back into software development as well. Like full-on, using the stuff I studied in college development. I would have to start at entry-level for most modern languages, though, so money would definitely need to not be an object.

Honestly, though? I am pretty damn happy with what I do on most days. I help people. I make it easier to get good work done. It is gratifying and meaningful work and I am thankful I have the opportunity to do it.

Daily Writing Prompt – Share a lesson you wish you had learned earlier in life.

Daily writing prompt
Share a lesson you wish you had learned earlier in life.

Oh my lord this is a doozy. I’m fifty years old now. The number of things I wish I had learned earlier in life is way greater than one. Thing is, I’m not sure I could have learned those lessons earlier. I’m a big believer in the fact that you just have to experience certain things and live through them in order to learn from them, so I don’t know that the really important stuff that I know now that I wish I knew then really would have sunk in before I was ready.

If I had to narrow it down to one thing I wish I had learned earlier in life, though, I think it would have to focus around accepting that I’m enough. That I’m a human being who doesn’t need to be better than anyone else to be worthwhile. That it’s ok if what I consider to be a good life doesn’t match up with anyone else’s. That just because someone doesn’t like me or want to be part of my life that doesn’t make me a bad person. That I don’t have to be the most attractive, interesting, successful person in the room to justify being in it. That if someone thinks that I’m boring that’s based on their world view, not mine. That it’s ok to just be me.

Thing is, I’m still learning that lesson.

Team Building Activity – Look into the future!

This past Wednesday I had the opportunity to facilitate a workshop with all the senior leaders in our organization to start working on our Annual Objective for 2024. As part of that workshop, I put together a team building activity to bookend the workshop. I got a lot of positive feedback from the attendees, so I thought I’d share what we did here, along with my lessons learned, so that others could use it if they were interested.

Activity: Looking into the future
Time Required: 10-15 minutes
Materials Needed: A decent sized ball. I used this kick ball.

  • Get your participants to stand in a circle, ideally arms-length apart.
  • Stand in the center of the circle and introduce the activity while holding the ball. Here’s a paraphrase of what I said to my team – “Today, we’re going to predict the future. Now, as many of you know, I’m an actor. The last show I was in was about a medium who used a crystal ball to speak with dead Hollywood celebrities. I learned something very valuable when I was doing that show – Genuine crystal balls are heavy, fragile, and expensive. The crystal ball we were using was the most expensive part of the show. Even more expensive than my salary! Because I want to be responsible with our members money, and because I don’t feel like cleaning up a bunch of broken glass, I’m going to ask you all to use your imagination and pretend that this fine kick ball is, in fact, a very fancy crystal ball and that when you are holding it you can see into the future.”
  • Introduce the rules of the game. These are the rules that I shared with the group on Wednesday (you can partially see them on the slides behind me in the picture above).
    • Only the person holding the ball can speak.
    • Players who are not holding the ball may communicate with eye contact, gestures, etc…but no words.
    • Prediction must be accompanied by the current count of predictions
    • If a prediction is a repeat of a previous prediction the team must start over
    • Predictions may, however, BUILD on previous predictions. Example – “1! There will be a rain of trout that hits New York City!” “2! The ambassador from Chile will suffer a serious injury after being hit on the head by a falling trout.“
    • If the ball hits the ground for any reason the predictions must start over.
    • If a new round of predictions begin, predictions from a previous round may be repeated
    • You cannot throw the ball back to the person who threw it to you.
  • Explain that the goal is to see how many predictions the team can hit in the time allotted. You should challenge the team with two goals – One of them that you think should be achievable, and one that should be hard. In our case, we used 25 and 50. Put some kind of bet in place to make it interesting. I initially had the idea to be the “bad guy” and assert that the team would never hit the goal and my partner (Adam Ulery from Compass Productivity) would be the “good guy” and bet that they would. I volunteered to agree to conduct the rest of the meeting using my puppet, Mr. Judgey, if I lost. We were discussing our bet with the CEO before our workshop, and he got into the game in a big way. He offered that if the team hit 25 predictions we’d donate $2500 to the local chapter of Celebrate Birthdays (the charity the team was sponsoring for the day), and that if we got to 50 we’d donate $5000. I threw in me using the puppet for the rest of the meeting as a bonus to tier on the 50 predictions.
  • Toss the ball to one of the participants and get the game started!
  • Play referee and make sure they follow the rules.
  • If you can, record the session.

The point: I based this activity on an exercise we have used as an ensemble warm up in a few of the productions I’ve done in the past. In that activity, the goal was to keep the ball in the air and count out every time you hit it, and the point was to get everyone in the ensemble thinking and working together as a unit before the show begins. It’s also a lot of fun. In this case, I wanted to add on to that by getting them thinking about the future as our workshop was around building an Objective for 2024 that would focus on the Most Important Thing our credit union would accomplish next year.

Retrospective:

  • What went well: The team hit the stretch goal, with a list of 50 predictions that ranged from serious, silly, far-fetched, and realistic and pretty much everything in between. We had some laughs, shook off the after-lunch drop in energy, and got into the right mindset to do some forward-thinking. We raised $5000 for charity and I got to freak everyone out with my eerily accurate Muppet. We gave a spontaneous lesson-in-the-moment about stretch goals in relation to the 25 and 50 targets, getting the team to agree that if we had started with 50 as the goal, or even 75, that they would have been less motivated to try and hit it.
  • What didn’t go well: I didn’t anticipate how quickly the team would devise a strategy to get to the goal without dropping the ball. In the theater world, the ball is constantly moving. In this scenario, the team member got to hold it while they were making their prediction. They quickly realized they could just hand the ball to the person next to them and let it go around the circle. There was also no motivation to make a prediction quickly, so team members holding the ball could pause to think about an answer.
  • What I’d do differently: Add the following rules to the list above –
    • You cannot pass the ball to the person immediately to your left or right.
    • You cannot move from your spot.
    • If you hold the ball for more than 5 seconds the count resets.

Conclusion

After we finished the workshop I closed our time together with the following (again paraphrased, because I don’t work from cue cards my friends):

I spent a good deal of time working in and around Renaissance Festivals when I was younger. Yeah, probably not much of a surprise given the fact that I’m wearing a kilt. When I was doing so, I got to know quite a few fortune tellers – Tarot card readers, psychics. You name it. I’m sorry if I’m ruining the illusion for you, but none of these people possessed any kind of supernatural powers. What they had, was the ability to look at the world as it is, look at trends, ask probing questions of their patrons, and make a relatively accurate prediction about what their future looked like. We did that together today. We may be right, we may be wrong, but we used our collective knowledge together to gaze into the future and make some predictions. I’m excited to see how they turn out.

Bonus: Adam recorded the session for me, and I’m going to keep track of their 50 predictions for 2024 to see how many come true!

Update: I can’t believe I left out one of the most impactful parts of this! As I was finishing my summary, I asked everyone to pass the kick ball around the room one last time and sign it as we moved on to our next activity. This, I told them, was our contract that we were committing to building a future together as one big team. I gave the ball to our CEO as a memento of the event and a reminder for everyone of what we did together.

Remembering Holly

Taken at a pizza place in Little Five Points, Atlanta before we went to Dragon*Con in 2002

This is another post that has been sitting in Drafts for years that I finally decided to wrap up and post.

My first memory of Holly Blain isn’t actually a memory about her at all. It’s a memory about her brother, Beau.

I was sitting in the gym at Tyrone Middle School, when this kid I had never met before walks up to me. “Hi,” he says. “My name is Beau. My sister says you play Dungeons and Dragons and we should be friends.”

And, just like that, we were.

Holly was one year ahead of me at Tyrone, and we must have known each other in some kind of very tangential way, but I don’t remember ever really associating with her before that day. But somehow or other she knew that Beau and I should be friends, so she told her brother to go up to me and make it happen.

She did that kind of thing all the time. When Holly decided that something should be a certain way, she just expected the world to fall in line. If you didn’t know her, this behavior would come off as kind of selfish and irritating. I’ll be honest with you – it came off as a bit selfish and irritating even if you did.

But here’s what you have to understand about Holly. Here’s why Holly was so damn special. Holly did what she wanted to do, when she wanted to do it, and she believed that we should all be able to do that, and she would do anything in her power to make sure that you had the kind of freedom she wanted for herself.

I guess I can only explain this by way of personal example. When we were young, and going to Bennigan’s every Tuesday night to dance, Holly would go whether or not she had the money to get in the door. If she didn’t, she’d just count on being able to find someone who was willing to pay her way or convince the door man to let her in for free “this one time.” Annoying, right? But if she found out you wanted to go and didn’t have the money to get in the door, she’d offer to find a way to get you in as well. Whenever Holly came over to my house she would jump on my computer and use it without asking my permission first, and if you know anything at all about me you know I’m highly personal when it comes to my electronic devices (and, in defense of my highly protective nature, one time when she did this she saw something in my email that she really should not have seen). I had to start locking my computer and enable a guest account whenever she came around. Holly was the kind of person who had no problem whatsoever with someone using her computer without asking, so it never occurred to her to ask to use mine. If Holly was cold at my house she would adjust the thermostat, but if a guest was cold in her house she would expect them to do the same. You see my point? Holly did whatever she wanted to do, and she wanted YOU to do whatever YOU wanted to do, and if those two things happened to conflict with each other you just talk it out and smile and move on and keep on loving each other.

When I learned that she was flying to Texas to go to Butt-Numb-A-Thon even though her application had not been approved, I just had to smile. That was so very typical of Holly. Deny her admission to an event? Fine. She’d go anyway and hope she could change your mind once she got there, and even if she couldn’t she’d just enjoy the experience of trying.

That was Holly.

I started this post shortly after Holly passed last year. I did so knowing I would be heading to her memorial service and I wanted to get my thoughts sorted out before I did so. What I said at the service was pretty close to what I ended up writing here. I worried then that perhaps I might offend someone by what I was saying. Unless you really paid attention to what I was saying it was kind of easy to misinterpret my words as a criticism of her behaviors and personality when that was the exact opposite of what I was trying to do. I had the same feelings when I spoke at the funeral of her brother, Beau, where I also had words that were, perhaps, not the standard things you would hear in a eulogy.

But if there is one thing that I loved and admired about both of them it’s that they were very self-aware. They knew who they were, and how society perceived them, and it didn’t bother them if perhaps some of those perceptions cast them in a negative light.

As I get older and become more and more “conservative” and set in my ways, I think often of them and wonder how long they would have been able to keep that up. I know it’s a very unconventional way to think about a person, but as I frequently do I think about the quote from the end of Batman: The Dark Knight. “You either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain.” Part of me believes that Holly and Beau were powerful enough forces of nature that they would have successfully fought the push to compromise on their core beliefs as they got older, and part of me is thankful I never had to see the opposite happen. 

Which is a very selfish way of remembering them, I suppose, but there it is. 

Daily Writing Prompt – Tell us about the last thing you got excited about

Daily writing prompt
Tell us about the last thing you got excited about.

This one is easy, although I’m sure many folks will see it as being kind of boring.

My wife and I do lots of neat stuff together, but every weekend we have a morning ritual of sitting together in our hot tub for a few hours while the sun rises. We talk, we have breakfast, or we just sit there quietly on our smartphones and read.

I love it. I get excited about it every weekend.

At 50 I’ve come to realize that it’s the little pleasures in life that really bring the most joy. Vacations are amazing. Parties are fun. Going out with friends is a blast. But having the time and space to just BE with my wife for a few hours and appreciate the life we’ve built together? That’s the absolute best.

Daily Writing Prompt – 08.21.2023

Daily writing prompt
Where did your name come from?

I was, apparently, named after a football player.

For all I know, this story is apocryphal. I could, if I wanted to, completely validate or debunk it by actually talking to the one person who is still alive who had a say in my name, but it’s more fun to go with this one.

My Dad was a huge football fan. He played in high school, and told me he had been offered a college scholarship to play in Seattle but changed his mind after visiting the campus and seeing how big the players were at the college level in comparison to the folks he was used to getting hit by.

If I’m being completely honest he likely threw in something about the fact that they were “big and black,” which wasn’t at all the norm in Pullman, Washington where he grew up. My memories of my father and the type of person he was are disjointed because he left us when I was very young and we had periods without contact that lasted years. He died in 1999 when I was 27, and he and I had just really formed a somewhat normal relationship when that happened. His views on race are one of the things that I tend to look back on with rose-tinted glasses and make a lot of excuses for at times because, well, I miss him and want to have positive memories of my Father. But I digress…

So anyway…my Dad was, apparently, a big fan of Mike “Mad Dog” Curtis. Curtis was a linebacker for the Baltimore Colts when they won Super Bowl V in 1971 (the year before I was born). If you search around on the internet you’ll find references to Curtis that range from him being “no-nonsense” to “a mean son-of-a-bitch” and everything in between. He is one of those “old school” Defensive players who made it a regular habit to try and destroy pretty much anyone they came into contact with, most famously in Curtis’ case a fan who rushed on the field in a game against the Miami Dolphins in December of 1971 (less than a year before I was born…you see where this is going??).

Mike “Mad Dog” Curtis was a mean, though-hitting, sadistic football player who my father idolized, so he decided to name me after him. I’m sure, ostensibly, he said he was naming me after his brother, Michael Thomas McGreevy, but the fact is that “Curtis” is not any kind of familial name I’m aware of in either his tree or my Mother’s, so I’m pretty sure he had “Mad Dog” on his mind when he finally had “his boy.”

Turns out he got a sensitive theater kid who cries at really emotional commercials. Sorry about that, pops.

An interesting side note to this story…When Curtis died in 2020 at the age of 77, he lived here in St. Petersburg, Florida. It’s far fetched, but I wonder sometimes if he ever saw my professional name in the papers (Michael C. McGreevy) here locally and pieced together the connection. It’s highly unlikely, but it’s an interesting thing to think that the man who I was named after passed away in the town I grew up in and still live in today.

Daily Writing Prompt: What are your top ten favorite movies?

Daily writing prompt
What are your top ten favorite movies?

Yep, I already missed a day. Oh well.

So this is just off the top of my head and in no particular order.

  1. Jesus Christ Superstar
  2. Memento
  3. Avengers: Infinity War
  4. Avengers: Endgame
  5. Moulin Rouge
  6. Amadaeus
  7. Sharknado
  8. Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan
  9. Tommy
  10. A Clockwork Orange

A significant number of the movies listed above were on cable when I was a child and I ended up watching them a billion times, which probably says a whole heck of a lot about the way my brain works.

Daily Writing Prompt – What do you love about where you live?

Daily writing prompt
What do you love about where you live?

Simply put, I live where people dream of going on vacation.

I’m not trying to say that everything about Florida/The Greater Tampa Bay area is perfect. Far from it. Hell, “Florida Man” jokes exist for a reason, and despite heavy Northern influence on the major metropolitan areas Florida will never let you forget that it is, indeed, part of the Deep South. I mean, there is a HUGE Confederate Flag off of I4 right as you cross into Tampa territory.

But…There’s a lot of stuff about this area that is pretty great.

The weather is pretty great. Yes, it’s hot most of the year. Yes, it’s humid. But the thing is, with the obvious exception being the times when a hurricane is barreling down on us, I’ve never heard the powers that be tell us not to go outside because we could die. Ocean breezes keep things relatively livable, even if you end up a sweaty mess. I used to be enamored with the idea of living places that are cold and grey, because I love the rare days we have that are that way in Florida, but I was disabused of that notion by my wife after visiting Chicago in November a few years ago. While we were driving between cities, she turned to me and said “I want you to look around right now. See how everything is brown and grey and wet? See how everyone is sad and depressed? It’s like this for MONTHS AT A TIME.” When we were driving across the Howard Frankland bridge after arriving home that November, I noted the beautiful sunset and the fact that I could see a school of dolphins playing in Tampa Bay and realized that cold and grey days could get old quickly.

The cultural scene here is pretty great, too. We have a ton of local theaters, artists, musicians, museums, and various other ways to scratch your creative itch. Downtown St. Petersburg and Gulfport are two communities that are filled with eclectic people and businesses, not to mention being LGBTQ+ friendly.

Obviously we have beaches, and one of them (Clearwater Beach) was recently rated as the Best Beach in the South. We don’t have waves to speak of, but our beaches are top notch and many of our beach communities are still pretty low-key and chill if you’re just looking to kick back, have a few drinks, and watch some stunning sunsets.

The food scene here has really taken a turn for the better in the last decade or so, thanks in no small part to the efforts of folks like my friends Greg and Michelle Baker. When I was growing up it seemed like the majority of restaurants around here were either chains, dives, or prohibitively expensive. Now we’ve got a wide range of eateries cropping up all over the place, from food trucks to Michelin star restaurants.

I suppose it goes without saying that if you’re into theme parks or cruises you’ve got your pick of the lot here in Florida, and from where I am in West Central Florida we’re reasonable driving distance to all of them. We also have St. Augustine, which is the oldest continually-occupied settlement of European and African-American origin in North America and just a really cool place to visit.

But ultimately? For me? Florida is home. We’re a state made up of transients, and when I was growing up very few people who I knew were actually born here. I wasn’t myself, but I’ve lived here for about 48 years. I live two miles or so from the house I grew up in. I can’t go anywhere in St. Petersburg without having some kind of memory pop into my head. This is where I have my roots, and despite all the reasons to want to live somewhere else I’ll never not love St. Petersburg, Florida. There was a time when I wanted nothing more than to live somewhere else, but the older I’ve gotten the more I’ve realized that it is a pretty amazing place to live.