So I have this very unusual sense of loss this morning that is related to the dream I had last night. In this dream I had a daughter (the odd thing is that I don’t know if I ever remember her having a name in the dream). While this is not odd in and of itself, what made this dream somewhat different was that about 3/4 of the way through it she realized she wasn’t real. She and I both knew she was a dream, and that our time together was only going to last until I woke up.
The last thing I remember of the dream is holding her while she cried and said “Please, daddy. Don’t wake up. Not yet.”
Another interesting thing about this is that I was woken up not by my alarm clock, but by my son’s. Not only was I profoundly sad when I woke up I was also slightly angry with him for cutting my time short with her.
Clearly I’m fully awake now and the dream is slipping away, but I still have this feeling like I lost something wonderful this morning….but it’s something I never really had in the first place.
How odd is that?
What’s even odder is the fact that I was going to just write about this on my Twitter, but something inside me said that she deserved more than a 140 word recollection. That her online eulogy not be condensed for quick reading.
So…yeah. I’ve sat here and tried to think of some poignant way to wrap this up and it isn’t happening.