Oct 012005

It is just over a month now until my 33rd birthday. I have often joked recently that it is my Jesus birthday because that is how old Jesus was when he was crucified. I suppose at some point I got a giggle out of the possibility of living longer than the Messiah, but it’s really just become one of those things I say now simply because I have said it so often already. The idea became the institution, as it were. Be that as it may, I was reflecting on the upcoming anniversary of my appearance on this little planet, and it occured to me that my feelings about it have more to do with Jesus then they previously had. The Jesus of Andrew Lloyd Webber’s Jesus Christ Superstar that is.

The title of this post comes from the song “Gethesemne.” For those of you unfamiliar with the musical, this particular song is one in which Jesus is making his appeal for God to take the responsibility of having to die away from him. At this point in the show, all of the divine is stripped from Jesus and we see him for what he really is – A man sad, scared man who really doesn’t want to die but is ready and willing to do so. Despite the fact that Pilate is my favorite role in the show, this is one of my favorite numbers.

I certainly don’t relate to all of the themes presented within the song. I’m not carrying the eternal souls of the world on my shoulders, nor is anyone planning on nailing me to a tree in the morning (at least, not that I am aware of). But the sad and tired part? Yeah, I get that.

It’s kind of funny how you never think you’ll be the person complaining about the “kids of today” but you end up doing just that. Here is the thing that you don’t figure out until you experience it first hand, though. It has nothing to do with clothing or music or hair style. It isn’t about sex or drugs. It isn’t a matter of coolness.

I am not entirely sure that I am processing this in the way I wanted to do so, but I am in a mood to write this morning so I will stick it out and see what happens.

I understand now why there is a disconnect between generations. It’s because there comes a point when younger people start to make you sad. Not sad because you want to be like them, no. Sad because at one point you were and you realize now how utterly wrong you were about the world.

The most recent example I have seen of this took place on a community that, as of this morning, I no longer belong to. It is a Goth community, and a few children have taken it upon themselves to ridicule the people who are members of it. They have started a GoHoWa (Gothic Holy War, taken from the Aryan Nation RaHoWa – Racial Holy War), and their targets are apparently anyone who they perceive to be an ingenuine Goth. I’m really not inclined to go into the specifics of their case (which on some levels is quite valid) because it doesn’t matter. I’m really not even all that concerned with the people whom they have offended. This is the internet, and if you haven’t learned to filter out the assholes from your perception you really shouldn’t be here because there are more of them then there are of you.

No, what bothers me about this post is the people behind it. Specifically the fact that some day they are going to wake up and realize how utterly and completely horrible they were – and they are going to regret it. They are going to wish they could go back in time and reverse what they had done, and of course they will not be able to.

What’s worse is that regardless of how certain I am that this will be the case, I would never in a million years get them to see that it is true. They’d laugh. They’d talk about how silly people on the internet were, and how they deserved to be knocked down a peg. They’d talk about how Live Journal doesn’t really matter, and about how anyone who thought it did needed to get over themselves.

Here’s the truth of things – Dragging others down never helps you. Ever. It is, at the best, a temporary high. If you have any kind of conscience, or ever develop one, at some point you’ll regret the cruel things you have done in your life.

There have been people in my life who have practically begged me to tear them down, and I have obliged them. Now? I feel like crap for it, and I have often let these people take advantage of that guilt in order to prolong my exposure to their horrid behavior.

I’m a softie, I suppose. My moments of cruelty are now generally limited to a select few individuals who share in my occaisonal cynicism and are almost never revealed to the victims of said cruelty. I vent, it’s done, and it never touches the intended victim.

When I see people doing the opposite, I am sad.

I see how fucked up the world is, and how so many people want to put up their blinders to the truth, and I am tired.

The world is a mean place, and it is bringing me down. Negativity is winning. Doom and gloom is the order of the day. It doesn’t seem like anyone wants to be happy anymore. There is always some reason to be down. Something bad to say. Even when things are good they are bad.

It’s everywhere.

There aren’t enough people out there clapping their hands and saying they believe in Faeries, and as a result Tink is dying.

This is what getting old is like.

This is why our parents distanced themselves from us, and this is why we are distancing ourselves from the youth of today. As we get older, we start to see the world for what it really is, and the fact that we cannot get that knowledge through to them no matter how hard we try makes us close ourselves off.

Well, I’m quite the moper this morning, aren’t I?

And yet…

And yet…

There is still part of me that clings on to optimism. There is still part of me that says we can all be happy, if we just try. That says we can all get along. That says we can find a way in this world that doesn’t involve bringing other people down.

It just has to start somewhere.

It hast to start with me.

And you.

Do something nice today. Even if it’s only for yourself. Look in the mirror and smile. Say “Hi, it’s nice to see you!” Say hello to a stranger. Call a friend you haven’t spoken to in a long time. Do something, anything. Just do something positive.

And do it again tomorrow.

Make your little part of the world nicer.

I’m going to try.

Yep. That post was all over the map like Mr. Magoo behind the wheels of a Tractor Trailer with no brakes. Ah well. Not like you guys have gotten any real content from me in a while. Enjoy it!

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