I got an email from my middle school chorus/drama teacher today. Her husband passed away. He’s been dealing with a bone marrow disease for years now, and I guess he finally lost the fight.

She has multiple sclerosis and has to use a wheelchair to get around. She was diagnosed when I was in the 8th grade and has deteriorated since.

She had a huge impact on my life. She gave me my first “real” acting role. I owe a lot to her, and it really pisses me off that she’s going through this. Her husband was diagnosed right around the time she retired. These were supposed to be their traveling and spending time with each other years, but now he’s gone.

Life is a fucking bitch sometimes.

When I look back on my journal I am sometimes amazed at how I’ve changed since I started blogging. Not only in relation to the actual events that take place in my life, but in the way I write and my attitude towards blogging in general. I’d like to think that, over time, I have matured both in my writing and in my attitude in relation to my fellow online journalists.

One example of that is the fact that I realize how much of a cop-out it is to fall back on the “It’s my journal and these are my thoughts so don’t try to censor me” argument.

It’s really a load of horse shit.

The scenario usually goes like this – Blogger A says something controversial, usually involving politics but often bleeding over into other, generally less incendiary topics. Blogger B reads said post and takes offense at it. Blogger B then either comments or makes a post in their journal about how offensive the statements of Blogger A were. Blogger A retaliates by refusing to apologize for what they said because it’s their journal and they have a right to say whatever they want there.

Note that they hardly ever address the actual issue at hand. They simply enter a stance of righteous indignation without ever attempting to justify the original comment. Sometimes an apology is involved, but if it is accompanied by the “my journal, my thoughts” defense it’s a backhanded apology at best. It says, “Ok, I’ll apologize for this…but it’s really your fault for taking offense because you decided to read me in the first place.”

These days, when someone calls me out, I do my best to try to take a step back and evaluate why the person in question is upset with what I said. If I feel my position is correct I will defend it. If I recognize that my language was overly harsh I will apologize for the language and perhaps re-state my position in a less confrontational manner.

If, however, I want to be an unapologetic asshole…I’ll put my comments behind my asshole filter. Why the filter? Because there are real people out there in Live Journal land, with real feelings. If I just want to be an asshole, I’m only going to share that with people who want to see that side of me.

I’m not an asshole all the time, so I don’t feel the need to force those things on others if that’s not the part of my personality they want to experience. Not everyone wants the Full Critus Experience.

You know the other benefit of having such a filter? If someone DOES call me to task under it I can continue acting like an unapologetic prick. If they’re reading that filter, they shouldn’t expect anything less.

Here’s something else, though…and here’s the big reason why the “my journal/my thoughts” defense is a cop out.

If you write it, own it. You’ve put it out there for the world to see. If you aren’t willing to pay the consequences for the things your write and share with the public you either need to drop a pair or find some other venue to express your “thoughts.” Playing the innocent victim when someone gets upset over what you write is lame. Take responsibility for your actions. Take responsibility for your words.

Grow the hell up.

I’m trying to. How about you join me?

It rocks.

Tired now.

Ok, a lot of you have been trying to get me to tell you when K.’s birthday is. Not going to happen. Believe it or not, she’s VERY serious about not wanting any celebration or attention on her birthday, and I’m honoring that wish.

However…she has conceeded to letting us have a BBQ in HONOR of her birthday. Not ON her birthday.

That being the case, I’d like to have a cookout next Saturday (the 28th). Probably around 6.

Anyone interested?

Hooray for that lovely moment when you’re trying to memorize your lines and you realize that as you look down at the script all of the words are one big blur.

Good times!

Tonight should be interesting. Off book? I hope!

But after that – It’s Star Wars time, baby! Thanks to the generosity of ross_winn and hel_ana K. and I are seeing the midnight showing tonight. Whooo hoo!!!

This is Trent Reznor???

It totally looks like someone’s dad.

I’m old.

Edit So in talking to netgoth I’ve decided that the following dialogue goes best with the picture –

“Hey Neighbor! Good to see you! Want a beer? We’ve got hamburgers cooking on the grill out back. Come on over!”

Our boys have expressed a serious interest in playing Dungeons and Dragons. So much so that J. wants to buy a Player’s Handbook and his own dice.

I am of the opinion that gaming is a very positive thing for a child to do. That it encourages critical thinking, reading, and imagination. I also happen to think it’s damned fun. So I am, obviously, behind this idea 100%.

Once Machinal closes we are going to start a weekly game. The first meeting of this will most likely occur around the 4th of July weekend (our 2 year anniversary, interestingly enough).

Any locals interested in joining? Obviously I don’t want it to be too big, but I think we could fit a few more folks in.

The truly interesting thing about this, from a personal perspective, is that this is the first time I’m going to try creating a world from the ground up as opposed to using a campaign setting. Could be interesting, could be a disaster.

We’ll see.

Any of you GM’s out there have experience with cartography software you’d care to share?

…like a note written on a paper towel and left in your lunch box, that remind you just how wonderful the person you share your life with is.

Here’s the deal. I hate playing the “this person” game on LJ, but in this case I’m going to – simply because anyone who doesn’t know what I’m talking about really doesn’t need to be involved.

I have two local friends who have become very dear to me. These friends have had some problems in their relationship due to continued unwanted attention from one of their ex’s. I want my friends to feel comfortable discussing their lives on my journal, and I want to feel comfortable discussing my interactions with them as well. In my humble opinion their lives should not be discussed with the ex, no matter how inconsequential the details that are being discussed may seem.

I do not believe that anyone had ill intentions in this situation. In fact, I think quite the opposite is true. I also know the pain that is caused when saying something that should not be said while trying to do the right thing. I’ve done it many times in the past. I have often suffered from a bad case of “foot in mouth” syndrome when I said something that, in retrospect, I really shouldn’t have said. I am, however, obligated to place my loyalty in the people that are important to me. Despite the intentions that spawned them, if the actions of an individual risk hurting the people I love it is probabaly best that I sever ties with that individual.

No hard feelings. This is a logical decision more than anything. I mean no slight, but I fear one will be taken regardless. Be that as it may, I feel this is something I need to do.

So there it is.