Aug 252002

I’m sitting in the terminal at the Seattle Tacoma International Airport resisting the urge to spend an ungodly amount of money to connect to the internet and check my email. I almost had myself convinced to do it, on the premise that I could upload all of my entries that I have been saving on my laptop over the last two days, and that I could check to see if I had heard from David Jenkins on the Titus Andronicus auditions. Then I woke the hell up and realized that $5 for the first five minutes and $.65 for each additional minute was just far too high of a price to pay for me to do something that wasn’t really important.

I’ve had a revelation sitting here, though. I really, really do not like being in contact with someone. I feel very odd about it. Even if I’m not talking with a person, to have them in the same house is a comfort to me. It’s why I love big cities so much – there are people everywhere. I’m always in the presence of another individual. Now, I realize that at the moment I’m surrounded by people at the terminal, so I’m not having some kind of hermit-induced panic attack, but I really want to be talking to someone right now.

I guess the upside to this situation is that I have lots of stuff to write about here in my journal, no?

I was actually thinking that I would do the same thing with my journaling next week while I’m at Dragon Con, but I’m not going to have a laptop that weekend and I will be surrounded by my friends, so I’m thinking the possibilities of me actually finding the time to write will be next to none. I am going to try, though.

This morning Uncle Mike made a comment to me that really made me wish that I wasn’t leaving. We were talking about my plane leaving this morning, and he said that he didn’t want me to miss it, but that “it sure wouldn’t bother me if you did.” He and Maureen both bemoaned the brevity of my visit on several occasions, and it’s making the fact that I’m heading home much harder. It doesn’t help that I feel so comfortable here already, and that I met a really cool person who lives right near my Uncle either. Oh yeah, I actually COULD move here if I wanted to as well. Bill already has a job with a Seattle based company, so if I told them I wanted to move to the Northwest they would actually be ecstatic about it (the facts that she would be FAR away from her parents and near mountains is more than enough to get Jody to move). I have thought about doing this before, but I never really put much effort into seeing if I could actually find a job. Maybe I should do that now. I don’t feel at home in Florida anymore. I love it there, and I love all of my friends, but I don’t have occasions where I just look around at my surroundings and feel content.

This could all very well fade the minute I start looking at the reality of the situation, but it’s nice to dream about it for now.

I just called and talked to Alex for a few minutes. In the midst of all of my travels I’m not getting to see a lot of my son. I’ll have him tomorrow night and Tuesday night, but then he’s back at Jody’s from Wednesday on until I get back from Dragon Con. I think I’ll go ahead and have him go to Lu’s house on Wednesday as well. That way I can have dinner with him and see him for a few hours on Wednesday night, then drop him off at Jody’s. I’ll have to see where I stand on getting ready to leave on Thursday, though. If I’m not packed up I might have to put that plan off.

I’m thrilled about the notion of going to Dragon Con, but I’m very anxious about it as well. I’ve spent a very small amount of money being here this weekend, all things considered. Right under two hundred and twenty dollars, and a large part of that was the car rental. Ironically, I really didn’t need the car rental. I’m sure Uncle Mike would have picked me up at the airport after I dropped off Brian and George, and other than going back and forth between his place and the airport I didn’t use the car at all. This leaves me with about 100 bucks to take to Dragon Con next weekend. Top that off with the fact that my next paycheck will be two days short because of Dragon Con, AND they’ll be taking 200 dollars out of it for my new insurance policy, and I’m not exactly sure if I’ll have the money to pay the mortgage that is supposed to be paid by next Monday. And the money bullshit continues. I need to talk to Brian and see if he’ll hold off and getting back the rest of my advance until the end of October. We will be getting three paychecks in October, which means that we’ll only have the insurance money taken out of the first two. If he’s going to take the $300 that I still owe AND insurance from the next check, I’m basically screwed.

Yeah, I could probably ask Karen for the money, and she would most likely give it to me, but I really don’t want to do that. She is already spending way more than she originally thought she would when she moved into the house. The arrangement is different from the one she had previously, though, and I think her willingness to spend that money is based on that fact. It really is her house too. I’ve given her free reign to do what she wants as far as decorating, and I think that is partially why she has decided she wants to stay with me for the long haul.

That reminds me…Uncle Mike had an incredibly hard time understanding my arrangement with Karen. I told him several times that there was nothing romantically between us. That we were two people who lived together, and loved each other very much, but had no kind of ties between us. He just didn’t see how that was possible. I guess most men wouldn’t, but that’s what has always made me the odd man out among my male friends. They don’t understand how women can be so comfortable with me, especially when I make no bones about how sexually focused I am. I can’t really explain it either, except to say that while I do think about sex a lot, I do not base my relationships with women on whether or not they are giving it to me. I think a lot of men put women into two categories ; Women I’m fucking or want to fuck, and women I cannot, should not, or will not fuck. I certainly have female friends that fall into some of those categories, but I do not let that fact stop me from being their friend.

They are getting ready to start boarding the plane, so I’m going to end this for now.

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