Aug 192002

I quit smoking on Saturday. Cold Turkey. I had my last cigarette shortly after midnight on Friday night, and I haven’t had one since. Saturday and Sunday were fine.

Today was hell.

I’ve never felt that bad from an addiction before. One of my friends online, Dr. Deb Hunka, offered that it was likely the result of my having lost so much weight. The last two times I’ve quit for real, I was significantly bigger. Now that I’m not, the nicotine to body weight ratio is much higher. It sounds good anyway.

Whatever the reason, I was a WRECK today. I was shaking and pale, I felt sick to my stomach. I was dizzy. I felt like I was going to pass out at times. I felt claustrophobic. Basically, I felt like utter and complete shit.

I made it through the day, though. I made it through having some serious problems getting the washing well wenches site up. I made it through some potentially ugly news at work (paychecks looks iffy for Wednesday). I made it through my audition for Titus Andronicus, where I was surrounded by people who smoked and would have gladly given me one. I made it, damnit.

So I feel pretty good about my chances for continued success.

Not sure how to feel about my Titus Andronicus audition. I read once, about 4 lines, and not for any of the leads in the show. Which leads my over-analyzing mind to one of two conclusions. Either David has confidence in my abilities and doesn’t need to see any more, or I wasn’t what he was looking for in any of the major roles.

At this point, I’m hoping for the former, but feeling it’s the latter. That’s what I do though. Welcome to my mind.

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