Apr 302001

R.I.P. Uncle Critus’ Farm.

Yeah, I finally decided to give up on the whole forum thingy. I guess it’s just not as appealing of an idea as I thought it would be. I mean, I hardly ever went in there. I guess I can’t expect any one else to do the same. So I’ve removed the link off the home page. May she die a quiet, peaceful death.

In other news…

Over the weekend I rediscovered a part of myself. It’s so nice when that happens. I’ve lost little bits and pieces of what I loved about me over the years, and it’s such a wonderful feeling to find one of those little lost pieces, tucked away deep inside the recesses of my soul. I dust them off, say hello, and bring them back to light.

So what I found was my love for Broadway.

This is never something that fully went away, mind you. I’ve had several copies of the same shows for years. I’ve mentioned before, though, that when my wife was with me she never wanted to listen to music. If she did, she didn’t want it to be loud. So I got out of the habit of listening to my music. Well, just a few weeks ago I went with Eve to our friend Bretts house. While hanging out with there Brett started playing the piano for us and asking for suggestions. So I started looking through her song books and I found a copy of the music for Aspects Of Love. I expressed my joy at having found it, and Brett said something to the effect of “Oh cool, is he a Broadway Geek?!?!”

Why is it that I’m always a geek no matter what I do??

But anyway, we got to talking a bit about shows, and it got me wanting to start listening to them again. Not only that, but it made me want to get back some of the music I had (Aspects, for one…that went the other way in the divorce. As did Les Miserables). So I went on a quest this weekend for some show tunes. I got a copy of Cats and Aspects of Love. I even bought the soundtrack for the new musical version of The Producers. I spent the rest of Saturday and most of Sunday with the stereo on and singing show tunes at the top of my lungs.

It was really cool.

I think the coolest part, though, was that my son Alex was really into it too. He was singing along with me, when he could figure out the words. He REALLY seemed to like The Phantom Of The Opera (I wonder why that is? My nephew Fred loved it when he was Alex’s age, too!). So now I get to share my love for Broadway with my Son. I’m seeing a New York show trip sometime within the next few years.

No neat conclusion to this. Yet another “snapshot” of my daily existence.

Apr 042001

I just realized that the first anniversary of my little Web Site here just came and went and I didn’t even notice. I wrote the first Soapbox on May 31st of 2000, and here it is just over a year later and I’m still plugging away at it. It’s still for about 5 people (and I’m probably being generous to myself), but hey it’s still here. I’ve moved from a free service to a bona fide domain in that time frame, and as a general rule I’m pretty happy with the way the site has evolved. So I’d like to take a moment to thank those of you who stop by on a regular basis to see what I’ve been up to. It’s kind of nice to know that my little life is something that people find amusing, even if it is only every once in a while.

So with that, I will now go off on yet another pointless rant about the futility that is being me.

You see, yesterday my old pal Eve updated her rant page, and it got me to thinking about the same kind of things she was wondering.

Essentially, what the hell is wrong with me?

Other than the obvious, that is.

I seem, for some reason, to be absolutely incapable of attracting a woman with whom I would be compatible for a long-term relationship.

Now, this is generally something that I blame on my weight, which I realize is a big problem. Hell, I’ve lost 50 pounds since the middle of January, and I think you could say it’s honestly hard to tell (unless you see me every day). That’s a LOT of weight to lose, and yet it’s only about 1/4 of the total amount that I’m going for. That little fact can be daunting at times, but I’m still plugging away at it.

Other than that, though, I figure I’m a hell of a catch. I am not an ugly man by any stretch of the imagination. I am funny. I am smart. I am always willing to try new things and meet new people. I can be totally insane at the drop of a hat. I sing out loud in public. I sing even louder in private. I make good money. I have a house (with a hot tub, no less). I am one hell of a father. I give backrubs and footrubs. I do dishes, laundry and can even do my share of the cooking. I love people and being social, and I give great dinner parties.

Jesus, I just realized I would make a great homosexual. Guess it’s too bad my tastes don’t wander in that direction.

So my drawbacks are that I’m fat and I’m a geek. One of those things I can do something about, and I AM doing something about. I’ve been thinner before, though, and the relationship that came from that state of physical health did not last when the weight came back on. I cannot guarantee anyone that once I lose this weight it won’t come back. I’ll probably be struggling with my weight for the rest of my life. So if I meet someone when I’m thin, what’s to say she won’t bail on me if I balloon out again??

Then there is the geek thing. I’m really not that much of a geek. I’m not so bad that I think Star Trek Conventions are the height of culture. I shower on a regular basis. I can have a conversation that doesn’t involve the intricate subplots and scheming of the fifth season of Babylon 5. I cannot, however, deny that I am firmly rooted in that which many people consider to be of a geekish nature. If I deny that, I deny who I am, and I’ve done that before with horrible results.

I don’t know what the point to all of this is. I’m lonely, and I’m sick of it.

Blah. I can’t even think of a clever way to end this.